What Barfi! taught me

• Find the silver lining: Life’s a bitch and it will always throw you into unwarranted, undeserved situations and undeserved misery. But as they say, look at it closely and far away in a hidden corner, you might just find the one silver lining, the one good thing that has the power to make the bitch dance to your tunes.

• It’s okay to be rejected, but don’t give up on love, not just yet…  We have all heard that it’s not the gravity but love that makes the world go round. But do we really believe that? Even if we do, do we actually maintain that? All it takes is one case of broken trust, one single mistake in judgement and our faith on all of humanity is shaken. Let’s just stop and think- do we give up education because of one bad exam? Then why doesn’t life deserve a second chance?

• The world is big and bad…but that doesn’t mean you have to be bad too: Life is hard and people are not always good. Someone or the other will always try to push you down, to throw you onto the ground but for every person like that, there will also be someone to pick you up, to tell you that you indeed are good enough and all you need to do is trust. Trust is the most potent strategy for winning over people. Look around yourself, the world is beautiful!

• Know what you want before you lose that: So often we give up on someone as being not good enough. But what defines ‘good enough’? Does it even exist or do most of us run just for the sake of it- in the pursuit of a blind chase? Being judgmental is perhaps the easiest thing to do when one has the choice. But sometimes we need to look at relationships as investment and not as trading and you stick to your investment in rough times because you trust the returns in the long term.

• And the last- the one golden rule of success- SMILE. Upward curving lips and tinkling eyes catch everyone’s attention. Let those lips show off your joy and see the world around reflect it back to you.

The cheat

This is the second part of a two-piece article. Read the first part here

He knew she would not understand. Or maybe he was wrong after all. He wished to help, but alas. He had never imagined things to get so serious from that casual online chat. He had pinged her thinking she was just one of those girls , too occupied with her own sense of the world. But she was a breath of fresh air in that crapped life of his. Her beliefs, her ways seemed to be tailor-made to suit him. He still remembered being shocked when he heard her use expletives for the first time. She didn’t even talk like the other girls. She simply had no apprehensions. Time flew by, and as they got to know each other better, their desire to get closer grew stronger. It came naturally to him. Just out of a long-term relation, he badly needed someone who could listen to him, and share his heartbreak- she seemed to love doing that. They took to each other like the proverbial fish to water. The chat progressed to SMSes and then to calls in no time, he loved his sleep but she loved talking late into the night and on most days now he slept while still on the phone. Life was amazing. She understood him so well, and things could not be any better. But then, life seldom stagnates, and since it could not get better, there was only one way to go: it got worse.

 
Before they could realize, they had moved from dear to sweetie and then on to sweetheart…and there was no stopping beyond that. They were both clear that they didn’t want to get into any kind of commitment, a relation was out of question but yet he had made her feel so special. Every time he said something, he looked at her in a way as if to say that it had a second hidden meaning just for her to find out. To him, it was an awesome game they were playing, and the fact that it was hidden from all, made it all the more exciting. He didn’t even realize when the games got serious.

He understood that it was no game that day in the theater.  They had gone out, their gang of friends, and she was sitting next to him. He started playing with her fingers, and soon realized that she was looking at him, her stare burning into him. They looked at each other- and only the fidgeting of the guy next to him saved the moment from being burnt by that fire. That look haunted him. He could feel it that she wanted him. But he was just a fleeting moment in her life. He could not stay with her, come what may- he was already pledged. And she was a trespasser on to him.

The moment came. They were in the library that day browsing through the day’s papers when she suggested they go for a coffee. Sitting with their cups in the lonely corner what began as casual flirting soon moved into uncharted territory as her hands moved on his body and his touch was lost on her. Those few minutes, he could think of nothing else- all seemed right, and only she seemed to exist. The fingers entwined as their eyes held each other and he was burning inside as lust took over. Guilt followed the passion as soon as he was spent and he knew he had erred again. His past came haunting as he stared blankly into her eyes and he could muster just one line- “I am sorry. I have to leave.”

...Move on

Standing in the rain today, as I gazed through the silhoutted treetops to the moonless, starless sky, I felt alive. More alive than I had felt over the last few days, or maybe, they were weeks. The days had brought with them lots of fights with the inner self, lots of conflicts, and somehow, trying to shield my self from itself, trying to be “proffesional”, I had become something that even I ridiculed. I smiled, walked, talked all the same, but deep inside somewhere the naturality of it all had been replaced by a mechanicality, a superficial something that made me so fake that even I thought thrice before believing what I was feeling were indeed my feelings, and not some pretence that I had put up even to myself. But as the raindrops trickled down my body today, I somehow knew this had to change. Ranting and repenting on decisions made is very easy. Going back on them is even easier. But sticking to his words is what makes a real man. When I shut the door on you, I knew I could never ever open it again, so I choose now today to stop crying over the precious treasure that I locked out. I choose now to stop crying over your memories, and let them be what they are: beautiful moments, nothing more, no less.  I would rather have you as a beautiful past than as a depressing present. Yes, sweetheart, you think right. I am moving on, and you are a now part of what no one can change: the past. Loved you, baby.

Random rants of a broken heart

This post is a request kept, and is very personal.Unless you are interested in my personal life, maybe its not such a good idea to read this.

The human brain is the closest manifestation of a demonic existence that I have come across in the period of my existence. It has this uncanny knack of pulling out from its reserves, thoughts and memories, totally unconnected and often disturbingly disorienting. The reality came face to face yet again today as I booted my computer. All of a sudden images of you, came charging to me. They were random and unconnected, ranging from our first encounter to the day when you broke your sandal and we walked side by side barefoot together. I remembered your “hello” when I called, and your tears when we lost it all. Your smile, your face, they all came together. Different images, but with a common thread: I spent today just thinking of you. I know you are gone, I know you are not coming back.   I know all is futile and I know all is past, but whatever we do, these moments will last. You were the one, you are the one and trust me, you were the perfect one I met. Every day I hoped that day would never come, and the irony is that I was the one who brought it. I know you cry not for me but because of me, but trust me dear, your tears kill me every moment. So many moments, that I have lost count of them. We made so many memories together always believing they were nothing special, and yet as I lay today each one seemed the most beautiful one of my life. Thank you dear for everything, and I know full well that you will never ever read this and that is the only reason that I can still admit here of my love for you. To you I am and always will be the demon that killed your dreams, the demon that took away your smile. Maybe just a demon with a heart.

The first D-Day: Campusing-1

Its my second post and now, lets come to reality from the world of happiness. I woke up quite late today, 8:30 is actually horribly late by my standards. As i woke up, i felt a stiffness in my body that comes generally from sleeping long hours. I had a very good night. Had a very sweet long-ish talk with S and great dreams afterwards.As i walked towards the hostel canteen, i found the hostel to be unusually active for this time of the morning. I saw guys were moving here and there, crowding in a few rooms as if the d-day of semester exams had arrived. It took me some time to comprehend the reason behind the frenzy and then i realized the cause that woke up all the guys before 8:00 (which is basically early-dawn by hostel standards)- it was CAMPUSING day today. A core company for the EE department was visiting the campus today and that had pushed all the engineers-to-be to compromise their sleep, have a good shave (all the goatees and french-cuts were missing ;)) and clean up. No wonder this was THE topic of discussion in the canteen too and for us 'computer engineers', life actually sucked. The menu included paranthas, which never got enough time on the tawa to get fried and the maida played peek-a-boo from the middle and chana masala that was enough to make a horse puke at its smell.And to add insult to injury, there was this group of guys from EE with their clean shaves and big talk...we felt like shit. While these guys were talking of GDs and PIs, all we had to talk about regarding placement was when would any company visit our campus or if there would be any company at all...people feel being an engineer means the doors are opened up for you, but barring the top-50 colleges, its more or less the same story everywhere. Just hype. Fullstop.