Useless Drops

And he walked away. She stood watching, her heart shrieking out for him to stop as her eyes went dry...surprising stuff these tears, they choose to dry up at the most opportune moment. Or maybe too many of them shed last night had numbed her eyes today. She was stunned, but she didn’t know why. She had known it all along. He was never hers to be and for him she was just a momentary support- he himself had said this to her many a times but somehow, and she had no idea how, her prudence had lost to his warmth. Her reasons kept shouting no, while she lost her heart to him like a young teenager. She could remember each day…

They had known each other for only a few months and yet, it seemed like she had desired for him forever. It had all started with a simple “Hi!!” on the office communicator. He had little work, just like her, and seemed to be looking for someone to bide his time. A decent guy, with a nice sense of humour- in short, good enough to kill time with. As the “hi”s transformed  to “hw do ya do”s, she could sense a different side to him altogether. A side that was hidden from the outside- a part of him, that could take her call in half sleep at midnight and claim that he was waiting for her call all night and make her believe that. She had known such charm to exist only in those over-dramatic teeny novels, but suddenly she felt she was floating- directionless in a pink ether that knew no hurt. He had come into her life like that fictional prince on horseback only to sweep her off her feet and take her to his land. If only life was a dream! As she soon found out, he had been in a relationship till recently, an odd coincidence considering she herself had got out of a bad relation just about a month back, and had yet to cope up with it. In fact, he often ended up talking for hours about his ex while all she wanted was to listen to him talk. She never wanted to fall for this guy, her experience in life had taught her to distrust guys irrespective of how perfect they seemed, and yet something in him pulled her. He was, as she often admitted to him, a magnet for emotions. He had this honesty in his gaze, he could look into her eyes and admit that a line of compliment was plain cheesiness and yet ask her to believe it. And believe him she did. Even when he said that although he loved her but would never be her partner, all she could tell him back was “I love you too..like crazy.”

And then it happened. They were at the library, talking and looking into each others eyes, when all of a sudden he said he wanted to kiss her. She laughed it off, but a few minutes later, they were in the office balcony, their eyes and fingers lost on each other. She was scared at first, but his gaze blew it away. And when he pulled her hand into his, or moved his lips to hers, all she could say was “ I want u so badly…I want you to be mine forever.”

*This is the one side of a two-part write up. Read the guy's  point of view here.

Suicide Note

I remember in no particular order- A garden, a green dress, the lyrics of a random song.  A feathery light relief fills my insides as I type this. I have heard that people see a snapshot of their life in their last moments. Maybe my snapshot only has a green dress and the garden. I always wondered why people wanted to die, to end themselves before time. It was always a question unanswered. Not anymore. They believe pain and suffering as the only cause behind death, but they ignore relief, the gratification of having given all that you were supposed to give, of having fulfilled all your goals and the beautiful emptiness that follows. Death, I now realise is not just about the end. It’s more like a conclusion. Like the end of a sentence- you put a full stop when you have conveyed all you wanted to.

My life has now completed its purpose. And as I sit here, feeling my veins drain out as I type, I feel happy. As happy as I felt when I first met her, as happy as when I saw her smile. As happy as I have ever been. It’s time to leave now, and I leave with no regrets. The world, as they say, is beautiful. More so because of you.

Diary of a satyric

Spent a routine boring day yet again. Yet again I missed you and yet again I wanted to bed you. It is kind of intriguing how I think of having you every day since you left me considering that I never quite had that desire in the many days that we spent together. But you actually made me very concupiscent today. It is quite awkward to sit with a room full of people around you when your brain and heart are conspiring together to pump all the blood in your body from the brain to someplace where it should rather not be. It is awkward to say the least when your body senses what is going on around you and your brain responds by calling for someone miles away.

All the while I was supposed to be involved in my work, all I did was to think- thoughts not very familiar to you but thoughts very much about you…about each little curve on your body…those long fingers. I could not but think about the lingering taste that your lips left on me every time we kissed, that sweet softness of your skin, of your body under mine. I was staring at the wall all the time, while thinking of the beautiful woman in you and how she aroused and gratified each cell, each pore of my body and my soul. The man in me wanted to pounce on you and to devour you but your lover just wanted to stand back- to drink from the softness of your flesh right into your soul. And they were both competing to possess you, to own every cell of you- a prize, alas, that is not theirs to own anymore. Fools! You arouse not just my body dear, but my spirit and my thoughts to the extent where I am left wondering if you could have jerked me off even without a touch. Your thoughts can be that powerful. But then, I am glad that we are apart because having you can never be as awesome as the thoughts of you. Undressing you can’t be as beautiful as the imaginary feel of our bodies intertwining in the heat, burning with desire in the flood of passion.